the ultimate homestuck classpect theory

dave is the "knight of time". he's link from zelda, but also, night time

john is the "heir of breath". rose is the "seer of light". etcetera

Like any good penny-novel, TV show, or DnD game, Homestuck's narrative was built from two key ingredients with each update:

• Throwing dots on the paper, or
• Connecting those dots later.

It's satisfying when dots laid down are connected 2000 pages later. Another way to view this is "shooting the side of a barn and painting the target on later".

The thing is that a theory is only useful as far is it goes to either:

1. Have predictive power, or

2. Provide a new lens to better understand the existing work.

Seeing that Homestuck is over, there are no predictions to be made. So what lens can better understand a narrative about narratives? Understanding it as a narrative.

The thing is, it doesn't get deeper than this. Hussie had a rough world built in mind around puns. These were connected later on, e.g. with Terezi as the Seer of Mind or Vriska as the Thief of Light. Classpects never started as a consistent and usable model.

If you want to classpect, I'm sorry to say, but you're doing it for Vast Error, or Homestuck^2, or Cool and New Webcomic. And these would all be much better if they stuck to the one true rule of classpects:

1. Be funny and make things up as you go along

I would never post this in a Homestuck forum because something so cynical yet undeniably true would shatter classpect theories, which makes up 80% of the existing fandom and, for many people, their entire identities.

TLDR: Homestuck has RPG "classes" and "aspects" which mean nothing despite hundreds of thousands of cumulative hours of theorizing about them. This is a certified Homestuck Truth