Part of my issue is that like... I do genuinely enjoy what we're doing now, and don't think I want an Official Online Relationship with someone I haven't met irl, even if they are also into me. So saying "I have a crush on you but I don't want to date you at least not until we've met in person at least once and seen if we also vibe irl and even then the distance thing might make it untenable" is, idk, it feels rude and unnecessary, to me? Like just muddying the waters without any gain. But I also know that it's a thing for people to be able to separate out "has a crush on this person" and "wants to date this person," I just... don't tend to be very good at that, like, historically. Very all-or-nothing.

Maybe this is a good time to practice balancing that, idk. Something like "hey I've got a crush on you, I don't really intend to do anything about it in the short-term and don't expect you to do anything about it in the short-term either but :fingerguns:

(My relationship experience is: very few, very long-term, pretty-serious relationships, with a few short-term ones sprinkled throughout because the relationships were poly ones... and nearly all spawned from okcupid, so they came pre-charged with "maybe we will date" energy. Very consistent throughline of "get to know someone and develop romantic feelings for them = date them.")

My one last piece of advice is to say that you have a crush before you visit them. A situation where they think they're hosting a friend on a visit, and you think you love them, is gonna get both of you hurt.

Oh yeah, for sure, this was always the plan. Considering we'd both have to be fully vaccinated before we could do something like that, I figure I'll have plenty of leadup time. But yeah, before any tangible plans for meeting up got made, I'd want to make sure it was out in the open.

Thanku for sharing this advice dev, given me some stuff to think about